Crazee Burger... Crazy Unique

Choices... Life is about choices and free will. If you don't believe me, ask Eve. She had free will and she jacked it up for all of us. Seriously, who wants an apple? No snake in the entire world could convince me to eat fruit, not even a talking snake (although it'd be way awesome to see a talking snake). Eating fruit is actively going out of your way by making a choice to piss off your taste buds and send them into lynch mode. Now if a talking snake came up to me and bribed me to eat a 60oz Porterhouse in exchange for a sense of "divinity", that story would have a different ending.

Ok, back to burgers. Choices, life is smothered with choices. And Tioli's Crazee Burger in no way deprives you of your capability to go a bit crazy with your burger, hence the pun in the restaurant name. I had mentioned in an earlier blog that In-N-Out is the king of burger customization, and while that statement may have some truth to it, it definitely doesn't offer variety like this place. Crazee Burger offers such a mad variety of cow meat choices (not mad cow... mad variety), each paired with its own hankering of unique variety of burger toppings, that it puts Baskin Robbin's 31 measly flavors to shame.

We chose to go to Crazee's North Park location and while I could spend an entire blog simply writing about the decor, I'll only touch upon one thing that caught my eye: As soon as I sat down, I noticed that the Mona Lisa in the corner was smoking a blunt. Now I'm not sure if that is alluding to her preparing for her burger mackdown by undergoing a self-applied case of the munchies, or if it's just there to make people do a double (sometimes triple) take. It wasn't anything too distracting, but it did make me ponder, and it definitely goes hand in hand with the menu.

Speaking of the menu... Let's talk about it.

This restaurant, claimed by several to be the best in all of San Diego (which in my opinion is somewhat a stretch), has about 30 burgers to choose from on their menu, not to mention customizations that can be added to the burgers. I will give them the credit for variety; they definitely have the best variety in San Diego when it comes to different meats in the foundation of your hamburger ranging from buffalo, wild boar, ostrich, gator, and even venison. Uniqueness is huge when it comes to burger creativity and Crazee Burger is cream of the crop in San Diego. As for being the best overall burger, it may need some work.

Dom and I split two different burgers. Just to give a small back story, we like to go to the restaurant/burger hole under review and get something classic on the menu as well as something kind of "out there" that is specific and unique to that one restaurant. We just like to invest our time wisely... like a timely placed whoopie cushion. And this method gives the restaurant a roundabout opportunity to show us what it can do in our one trip, as well as to give us a glimpse into the restaurant's character.

I'll let Dom get into the specifics of the burger, but let me just say leading into his review: I have a new understanding for the scene from the Lion King where Nala tries to hunt and kill Pumba. I used to hate grown-up Nala because she was trying to tear into Simba's brother from another mother. But taste the burger we had, and you'll know what I mean.

Dominic's Crazee Story:

"crazyyyyy..im crazy for feeling so lonelyyyy"..ah thank you Mr. Willie Nelson for these infatuating lyrics that Patsy Cline so rudely took the claim to fame for. For some reason when I hear the word 'crazy', that song pops in to my head and that is exactly what happened when Justin asked me to join him in a Crazee Burger feast.

I really enjoyed how the restaurant is set up. It has a great small, local burger joint feel to it. Half restaurant/half bar... beer and burgers? Yes please! In my opinion the burger menu was great, every burger was different...different types of meat, cheeses, sauces, everything. It was difficult to narrow down the burgers with all the different choices we had, but the decision to go with a "standard" cheeseburger piled with toppings of our choice- bacon (x2), avocado, and the classics, and also splitting a "crazee" burger was great, I'd recommend any crazee first timer to do this.

The crazee burger that we ate was Ebi the Wild Boar burger. What I wouldn't give to spoon a boar in the wild... Here's what came on the burger: poached red wine pear, mushrooms, bacon, cream, and plum jelly. The fact that it had wild boar as the patty was exactly what drew our attention to this burger. It was very different from any other burger simply because of the accessories between the buns. The boar meat was delightful. To be honest I was not too fond of the pear, but I do appreciate the fact that they went for the "salty then sweet" pallet smacker with the bacon/pear/cream/jelly combo (as the picture to the left prominently displays). I recommend trying this burger! I definitely would like to go back to try more weird, burgers that make you go, "hmmmm...". Next on the list, gator? Kangaroo? Antelope? Oh baby!

Justin's Rating of the Crazee Burger

Meat quality: 5, Creativity/Accessories: 3, Bun: 2, Size: 3, Price: 3, Overall: 16 out of 25

First thing's first, when you go on a quest for the best burger in your region, you're looking for beef. Like a Curves member in relapse, you want the hot juicy stuff. And although I would've never dreamt it up in my search for the best burger, the wild boar is a fantastic option. There was so much flavor, and so much heartiness that it caused some drool to sputter down my cheek. The only two things that didn't make me stand up and applaud for this burger right there in the restaurant were the choices of toppings, and the bun. The intention of the burger was there, but no points are earned for trying. Actually ok, I lied, 3 points in Creativity were earned for trying. The combination of the cream, the mushrooms, and the pear really just didn't compliment the quality of beef found in the boar. In no way did it taste bad to where I wouldn't have it again, but in the search for SoCal's BEST Burger, it didn't exactly make my insides gleam. The bun was nothing too special. For someone who appreciates the finer qualities to offering variety in meat madness (so mad it's crazee! Plug intended), they sure lack on the variety of buns.

Dominic's Rating of the Crazee Burger

Meat quality: 4, Creativity/Accessories: 5, Bun: 2, Size: 3, Price: 3, Overall: 17 out of 25

I gave the meat quality a 4 because of the different varieties of meats and the boar was surprisingly tasty! The creativity and accessories I gave a 5 because of the amount of thought that was obviously put in to these burgers.. just read the menu on their website, it's very respectable in the burger world. The bun was average nothing special, Id like to see them compliment the burgers with different types of buns..take it to a whole new Crazee level! As far as the size to price ratio, it is worth the money.

The Hat. Pastrami's Birthplace.

This restaurant is the pertinent reason that this blog is not held strictly within the San Diego County lines. The Hat, which comes to us outside of San Diego but still graces us with its presence in southern California, is a restaurant native to Los Angeles County and more specifically, San Gabriel Valley in a small town called Alhambra. (This topography lesson is brought to you by my 9th grade Geography teacher, Mrs. Scarbrough... and Wikipedia)

"World Famous Pastrami". Simple, savory, and oh-so-succulent. The Hat is famous for its pastrami, as it rightfully deserves to be. Pastrami sandwiches, Pastrami dips, and hell yes, Pastrami burgers.

Let me paint you a little word picture with my imagination brush... You are wandering throughout the desert, it's scorching hot, and it's been 4 days now. You've managed to survive on water dispelled from the cacti surrounding you. You've been walking for days and still haven't seen a single soul, nor is there any sign of an oasis near by. Basically you're like Moses, and your load of followers that you need to free from captivity are your taste buds; you haven't had a single bite to eat in over 100 hours, and now you're starting to reflect on every single meal that you have ever eaten in your life. The taste of your favorite meals, the smell of the playful aroma of a home cooked meal, the feeling of being full, they're all becoming more and more faint by the second. Imagine you are still wandering around, looking for anything to sink your teeth into that will stop the growling from your roaring stomach. And then you see it, a sign in the distance, it says "World's Best Pastrami". You don't care that you haven't had a bite to eat in almost a week because at this point you'll eat almost anything. But... your first meal just happens to be a hamburger piled high with all of your favorite toppings: lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, a slice of melted gooey cheese, and one juicy flavor-filled, tender pound of the best pastrami your stomach could dream of. You are finally able to wrap your hands around food, any food, to quiet the roaring belly beast. Now imagine what that first bite is going to taste like. Your mind and your body are going to go into shock therapy with the deliciousness of this palisade of beef topped with the best thing to come out of Romania since Dracula: Pastrami.

Did you imagine what that first bite tasted like? How good did that taste? Okay, get this... EVERY BITE of the Pastrami Burger from The Hat tastes as good as that first bite.

Dominic and I wanted to make the most of our trip up to this place, wasting no morsel of food during our drive. The closest location to San Diego is about 75 minutes up the 5 North, in Lake Forest. So we scaled up there, with Bon Jovi, Van Halen, and other various artists pumping us up on the drive. Somehow Dominic snuck some good old fashioned boy band music into the cavalcade, but that didn't slow us down. We didn't skip a beat. Going from "Panama" to "Backstreet's Back" really didn't break our rhythm. We were focused.

Once we arrived, we decided to order absolutely as much food as we could stuff onto our pallets to make the trip worthwhile. We obviously made the trip for the reputable pastrami burger, but we also heard some rumors about the chili fries, which we couldn't pass up. So we decided to order them both. However, we had way too much on our plate to handle; it was the same feeling the post-Josh Johnson Florida Marlins have every year before they start the season, thinking they can reach .500. Fans, the few and far between fans, just sit there shaking their heads in disbelief as the quest begins, only to fall short mid season and lose hope. That was us with this pile of food staring us in the gut, ready to battle. But we weren't going to go all Dontrelle Willis on this mountain of chow. (If you don't understand that reference, let me know. It's not the best one I could've thought up, but I wanted to stick with the Florida Marlins trail that I already committed to... essentially it means to start strong and finish like shit.) Once we started we didn't stop, just plowed our way through the trail of carbohydrates until we had no more feeling in our bodies, or our arteries.

One onlooker even shouted to test us for steroids (something that the Marlins may want to look into). To this day, no matter how full I was, or how badly I wanted to burst at that moment, it was the happiest I've ever been to not be able to move after a meal. The strategy to overcome this obstacle colossus became something as I could only describe as the "Joey Chestnut technique", which essentially comes down to eating so fast that your stomach doesn't have time to process the fact that it's too full and you're stuffed to the max. But definitely take your time to enjoy the juices from the pastrami to glide down your throat and sit atop your small intestine until your heart is clogged, and your cholesterol-filled valves are content.

Dominic:

Now I know what those brave soldiers that conquer Mount Everest feel like, it would be as if Everest were a mountain made of delicious pastrami and I had to eat my way up it. If I could describe this pastrami burger with one word it would be "pastramitasical"...yea thats right, pastrami mixed with phenomenal and fantastic. This burger was well worth the trip and would do it again any day. The way The Hat makes their pastrami so juicy and flavor filled blows my mind. The best part was the combination of different flavors in every bite.. the pastrami hits you like heaven, with a solid bite of beef to go along with the other treats in between the buns. To make the trip worth every penny we decided to go with the chili cheese fries. Which were also very good, but make you want to fall in to a slight coma for about 6 hours.. but hey, the things we do for some great grub right?! Right.

Justin's Rating of the Pastrami Burger (The chili fries were just for fun)

Meat quality: 5, Creativity/Accessories: 4, Bun: 2, Size: 4, Price: 3, Overall: 18 out of 25

My review isn't going to contain too many bad adjectives while revisiting my experience with The Hat. Taste was phenomenal, so was the creativity/presentation. It was different enough from your standard burger to make it worth trying, but didn't deviate too much trying to be something it's not. My only downside with this whole experience is that the bun would fall apart in the middle of your meat meltdown. The price is decent around the $7.50 price range, but you definitely get your money's worth. Did I mention filling?

Long story full: If you are looking for creativity from an ordinary burger, or if you are looking to stuff your face, or even just take a drive with your buddy to get out of the norm, I'd definitely recommend this trip to sink your teeth into some phenomenal pastrami with a side of burger.

Dominic's Rating of the Pastrami Burger

Meat quality: 5, Creativity/Accessories: 3, Bun: 2, Size: 4, Price: 3, Overall: 17 out of 25

The meat quality was great as I had said before, I've never tasted such juicy and tasty pastrami in my life, especially on a burger. The creativity of the burger was alright in my opinion, nothing too extravagant, but for us meat eaters it looked mighty fine! You got your average bun which could be better but when you got the size and the flavors that this burger does the lack of bun is ok.